i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
