Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
