Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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