Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
