Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize