We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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