my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
