Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
