I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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