All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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