Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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