i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
