alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
