I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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