Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
