So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He? As in you personified your dick?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
