I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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