sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
