I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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