Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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