he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
