Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize