Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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