Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
