Apparently you make a good broom.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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