I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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