i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
