The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
