I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
50% drunk capacity currently
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
