she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
