I hate your face
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
