I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
