Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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