is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
