You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
