Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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