you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
