Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
