He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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