No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
