Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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