Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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