Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
