Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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