Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
