i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
