Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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