Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have already put on my inside pants.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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