if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
