I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
