It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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