This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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