Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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