I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
