They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
