I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
