I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
