I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
