I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
