woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize