ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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