taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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