they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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