Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize