I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
