first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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