he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
