I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
