Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Of course I have a pirate flag
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
