I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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