wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We're too hungover to prance.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
