worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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