I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
