Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
