...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
