I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
