You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
