.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
